Local resident says Monday remains the most realistic target date.
PHOENIX — Following an inspiring 14-minute review of adjustable dumbbell prices, local man [Name] announced Tuesday that his complete physical transformation would officially begin immediately after this weekend.
“I have a very detailed plan,” he said, showing reporters a browser tab containing six unopened articles titled “How To Build A Sustainable Routine.” “The important thing is that I am now the kind of person who owns workout socks.”
Sources confirmed that the man had already rewarded himself for his commitment with a large restaurant meal, explaining that it would be “the last one before things get serious.”
At press time, the man had shifted the launch date to the first Monday of next month, citing the need to research protein powder responsibly.
This article is satire. All characters and events are fictional.